A Dad Shaped Hole...

With Father's Day approaching I wanted to take some time and post on how my heart went from having a hole...a rather gaping hole to a heart that is filled with love. When I was a young child in about 5th or 6th grade it was made known to me that my biological father did not want me. Those words "He did not want you" lingered in my mind and heart for most of my life. My mom was married to a man who adopted me and I love him dearly. He was not my Daddy. I believe that all children are born with a natural instinct to be loved by their mother and their father. Don't get me wrong, he provided for me and loved me as if I were his own; he was not the problem, the problem was how I felt about me. It was that same year that I started to smoke and from that point my life went downhill. I started using drugs and alcohol and had several boyfriends. I was always seeking for that hole to be filled. It is interesting because I have pictures of myself when I made my First Communion and my eyes are full of life; when I was confirmed at the age of 14 my eyes are filled with sadness.
When I got sober over five years ago I was forced to look at me; take away the drugs, alcohol and the other stuff I had no other choice but to look at me and it was very difficult. I had no self respect, no self esteem and was full of hurt that I had no idea how to express. I had created a whirl wind of problems, insanity and had no idea how to live a normal life...the pain that I have had to feel in order to overcome was very difficult. Any of you who have experienced emotional pain know what I am talking about.
Slowly as I began to build a relationship with God, that hole began to fill up. As it would fill up things would happen and I would act out in old behaviors and it would open right back up again because I would see me for being that scared little girl that her Daddy never wanted. Yes, my reactions to situations would cause me to feel that way all over again...why? Because I was not seeing myself as God sees me. I was not remembering that He would never leave me, nor fail me. I was looking for acceptance and approval from everyone, man or woman to make me feel good about me. I have learned that people are not perfect, I am not perfect. Until I was able to see my own imperfections and begin to nurture that scared little girl I was full of criticism and full of self-righteousness.
Today, I have a wonderful relationship with my Dad who adopted me; I love him more today than I think I ever did. I also have a relationship with my Biological Father; I have a sister and a brother that I did not know. I have a strong relationship with them. JR lives here and Amber is stationed in Fort Hood, Texas and has already done one tour in Iraq.
That hole is no longer gaping and as long as I remember to "take up my cross daily" (Taken from www.dailyspiritwalk.com) that hole will continue to be filled with the love of my Abba Daddy.

In Him

How important are our differences?

1 John 1:8-10

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives."


Not long ago God revealed to me that I have spent the majority of my Christian walk judging others who are not walking the exact path that I have been walking as not being as close to God as I believe I am. I have looked at other denominations and have had this prideful belief that because they may not worship in the same manner that I worship they are "missing" something and couldn't possibly know the Redeemer as I do. How arrogant I have been. It has humbled me and sickened me to think that for all these years I have actually believed this. In all reality all that it has done is pushed people away from wanting a relationship with Him.
Whether a person worships silently, with hymns, with contemporary music, with a traditional liturgy or dances up and down with their hands raised should not matter. Our Lord has created each one of us differently and takes the greatest pleasure in any manner in which we worship Him; as long as our hearts in the right place.
Whether you are Baptist, Assembly of God, Catholic, Christian Missionary and Alliance, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Church of God or one of the many other denominations let us focus on the fact that Jesus died for our sins and not on the differences within our denominations.

My sincerest apologies to those of you that I have judged so harshly and like the above Scripture says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

In Him.

Who Was She?

Who exactly was the Proverbs 31 Woman?

In all of the research that I did I was unable to come up with exactly who she was. What is known is that she was the mother of King Lemuel; he was not known as one of the Kings of Israel or Judah. There are some Theologians that propose that he was actually King Solomon and the words given to him were from his Mother Bathsheeba. Regardless of who she was we know that she was included in the Proverbs because it was God's will to give us wives a model of what a Godly wife looks like.

I think the very first thing that any woman in a Christian marriage needs to understand that her submission is actually to the Lord. He is the head of the man as Ephesians 5:22 says "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." I know this goes so against what our society has taught us, we are aliens in this world and we are not to live as the world tells us to. The worldy ways are in direct opposition to God's word; I, like everyone else struggles (sometimes on daily basis) to control the events in my home. I have made impulsive decisions that have caused much strife and we as women are to be the heart of our homes. My desire is to please my God and create an atmosphere where serenity lingers!

Precious friend, God created us to help our husbands. Gen 2:18 Then the Lord said "It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him." How on earth do we do this if we first do not realize the value that God places on us?

Do you know that you are a Princess? Your father is the King of Kings!
Do you know that you are a co-heir with Christ? Romans 8:17
Did you know that His thoughts toward you are many and wonderful? Psalm 40:5
Did you know that He is thinking of you and giving to you while you sleep? Psalm 127:2
Did you know that His loving kindness towards you is as high as the heavens are above the earth? Psalm 103:11
Did you know that you are salt of the earth and light of the world? Matthew 5:13-14
Did you know that you are a holy partaker of a heavenly calling? Hebrews 3:1
Did you know that God loved you so much that He sacrificed His own son so that you could have a relationship with Him?
These are but a few! I encourage you to seek the Scriptures for yourself to see how He feels for you dear one.


Understanding that we are valued by the Lord; how do we become like her??? The first practical step I am going to give us is....

• Prayer, prayer and more prayer. I am talking about communicating with our Lord, talking with Him while we are driving, doing laundry, cleaning the house, taking a shower, spending private time with Him. How much time do we devote to sit in His presence and talk with Him? His desire is for relationship with us, relationships require communication.
• Meditation...being silent. Ladies, that is a hard one for me. Sometimes my meditation time is only for five minutes. It is so important to sit and "be" and listen to what He is telling us. Communication is talking and listening.
  

I am going to leave you for now, I pray that you will have the willingness to become like her and that you will allow Him to prune those things that prohibit your growth.

A Wife of Noble Character

Awhile back my husband told me that if I did not stop "directing the show" we may not end up where the Lord wants to take us. I was silent after he said that, yes, I, Carla did not say anything. His words really spoke to my heart. Since Jim and I had been married I found myself following his lead and then sometimes dragging him to follow mine. I was okay to follow as long as I agreed with him...I was not trusting my husband to make Godly decisions, bottom line was "I was not trusting God." I know that is not how God planned marriage to be. I was failing miserably in this area of my life...teaching our daughter that submission to her husband is not important. Oh no...there it is, the big S word! Hold on to your hats ladies, submission means freedom! Yes, freedom. It means we stop living our lives as the world says that we should live them and follow God's instructions for us. How do we go wrong with following Him? He created us; I think He knows a little bit about how we think!
I am about to embark on a series of blog posts on the Proverbs 31 Woman along with practical ways that we can become her. We live in a society that tells us lies about who we are to be as women. I think it's time we stop listening and turn our hearts to the heart of the Proverbs 31 Woman and ask the Lord to help us become more like her. After all, she is in the Scriptures for a reason.
Beautiful women...take a few moments and read the following Scriptures. I am excited to begin our journey together!

Proverbs 31:10-31

¹⁰ ^c]">[c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

²⁹ "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

³¹ Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I offer myself to You....

The MW Collegiate Dictionary defines the word offer as: to present as an act of worship or devotion : sacrifice b : to utter (as a prayer) in devotion

There is a prayer that I learned in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous called the Third Step Prayer and it goes as follows:

God, I offer myself to Thee-

To build with me

and to do with me as Thou wilt.

Relieve me of the bondage of self,

that I may better do Thy will.

Take away my difficulties,

that victory over them may bear witness

to those I would help of Thy Power,

Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.

May I do Thy will always!

This prayer is used prior to someone making an admission of all the sin that is in their lives; without God it is very difficult to look at those very ugly things that are inside of each one of us. So, having been out of AA for roughly six months ( I did not relapse) and just going back recently I decided that I was going to stay focused on what is from Christ rather than stay focused on what is not. I came to realize that while I was gone I started building resentments against people, was sitting on the pity pot and had become very needy and unfortunately manipulative. Now, I am not in any way shape or form stating that AA is what keeps me sober (it is not just absence of alcohol); it is the Holy Spirit that dwells within me. There is a wonderful thing that takes place in the rooms of AA and that is accountability. People are not afraid to tell you when "your slip is showing"; they will call you on your pride, they will not sit on the pity pot with you; most times it is done in love...sometimes it is not.

I started meditating on this particular prayer today and have not gotten beyond the word offer. To fully understand what this prayer means I need to know what each word means. I had always thought of the word offer to mean to freely give, which it does also mean that. To see the words :To present as an act of worship or devotion! Wow, man that hit me so hard. Romans 12:1 "Therefore I urge your brothers, in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, this is your spiritual act of worship."

What does it really mean to offer myself to God as a daily sacrifice, to do with me as He wills? Offering myself to Him means that I freely give myself to Him in and act of devotion, in an act of love to use me, to allow me to be His vessel. The sacrifice on my part means that IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!!! Okay, I said it...yes, it is not about me. Period. What kind of sacrifice am I giving my God if in my offering of myself to Him do I want to take some credit; you know pat ME on the back because I said yes to God and that is why you are getting better. Pleas! How sin has completely warped our minds. So for today I am going to move from being self centered to God centered and remember that It's not all about me.

1992 Ford Pick Up

About a year ago my husband and I started praying for a pick up truck, we needed one to haul fire wood and it seems like throughout the spring and summer we always know someone who is moving. About six months into praying for one our Pastor told us that our truck was going to be white with red, white for the purity of Christ and red for His blood. Of course EVERY red and white truck I saw was "the truck"; I made phone calls told people what we needed it for and we never ended up with the truck...I never talked to Jim before I made any of these phone calls and couldn't understand why the Lord was not providing our truck! After all, I was praying, I was out looking, I was making the phone calls and I was attempting to control the blessing! A couple of months ago my husband was on his way home from work and he told me that for the past nine months he had been passing a 1992 Ford pick up that was grey that had had a For Sale sign in the window however, the sign had just been taken out. To my dismay I said to him "Why don't you pray about it"; two days later he stopped and looked at the truck, the price was right, it was still for sale, had minimal things wrong with it and the owner was willing to even come down in price without him asking; the only problem was the truck was, yep you know it. It was grey, not white and red as our Pastor (who has a gift to know what is from him and what is from the Holy Spirit). Jim and I couldn't understand, we thought maybe it was a test of obedience. The following day Jim met with the man and was talking with him and just when he went to tell him that he was going to spend more time praying about it, he put his hand down on "our" truck and noticed a red and white pin stripe. We purchased the truck the following Monday.

The Israelites could not recognize the Savior when He came because they were looking for a King that would come and set up his kingdom just as so many of the Kings in the OT did; they were not able to see the incredible blessing the Lord had wished to bestow upon them. Now, I am not in any what saying that the blessing of our truck is the same as the blessing of our Savior Jesus Christ, the two do not compare. I think we can learn from this by letting go of expecting God to bless us with what we perceive we should have and be open to seeing the real blessing behind it, I don't know if that makes any sense. I know that the blessing was not the truck by any means; the blessing was the answer to yet another prayer.

The Storm

Luke 8:22-25 One day Jesus said to his disciples, "Let's go over to the other side of the lake." So they got into a boat and set out. As they sailed, He fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke Him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!"He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. "Where is your faith?" He asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."

I love the simplicity and richness of this passage, I can just picture them all in the boat, maybe even a little relieved to get away from the crowd (Mark’s Gospel mentions that they were near a crowd) and looking forward to just relaxing while they sailed across the lake. I can see Jesus sitting back closing His eyes, breathing deeply taking in the evening air and being completely in the moment. Maybe the disciples are chattering amongst themselves about all of the miracles that they have witnessed up to this point or maybe they too were in need of rest or maybe a little of both. All are relaxed and not expecting to be hit by the squall and instantly as it smashes into them the fear that must have risen up in them! Neither Mark nor Luke’s Gospel mentions that they were asking one another what they should do, it is worded as if they went to Him the moment they realized they were in trouble. The Scripture seems to indicate that they were in desperation when they woke Him up. He woke up, He calmed the storm and saved their lives.

How often in our own lives are we sailing through feeling as if nothing can bother us; happy, joyous and free and BOOM it hits us smack right in the forehead. Are we going to Him first? Or are we relying on worldly ways to calm the storm? It can be something as simple as not having control over a situation, or something as difficult as the news of terminal illness. Are we taking that concern to Him just as His disciples did or do we try to fix it ourselves?

Praying that whatever storm you are facing you allow Him to calm it for you,

His Servant

What does intimacy with Jesus mean?

The word intimacy is most often thought of as passion between a husband and wife; for this post I am going to talk about the word intimacy in the context of what it "looks" like in a relationship with Jesus.

The MW collegiate dictionary defines intimacy as something of a personal or private nature. The word is pronounced in-tə-mə-sē , ie. in-to-me-see; wow, that tells me in order to have an "intimate" relationship with God I need to let Him see inside of me. Not the easiest thing to do when we want the whole world to think we have it all together! It is what He desires from us dear friend; yes men and women alike!



What does it look like to have an intimate relationship with God? The first person that comes to my mind is David. Let us look at the first four versus of Psalm 63 (NASB)

Psalm 63:1-4

The Thirsting Soul Satisfied in God

1.O God, you are my God; I shall seek you earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,

In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

2. Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,

To see Your power and Your glory.

3. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,

My lips will praise You.

4. So I will bless You as long as I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name.

Wow..wow..wow! Does that make you want to jump out and shout as it does me?

Friend, notice the very first line is O God; when a phrase starts with the word O it means to cry out. From the first line we see David crying out to God telling Him that He is his. Crying out to someone is not a surface emotion, we cry out from a place that is much deeper. David was humble and he told the Lord that he would "seek Him earnestly". When we seek after someone or something we are looking for them, searching, trying to discover. To do something "earnestly" means to have a serious intent, to be intense. David was telling God that he will look for Him with everything in him. David's soul was thirsty, his flesh was vulnerable, weak and nothing but the Lord would satisfy him. The dry and weary land was in Hereth; a place where the Lord sent David to stay when he was hiding from Saul because his very life was threatened by Saul.

How often when we are doing the Lord's work and are faced with enemies do we turn to the Lord first? David listened to the prophet Gad when he told him to leave the cave and go to Hereth because he knew God intimately; he knew that the Lord's prophet was speaking the truth and that the Lord would protect Him; he had seen Him in the sanctuary..a consecrated place, Holy ground. He saw the Lord's power and glory and he believed deeply that the Lord's lovingkindness was better than life itself, he knew that nothing that this world had to offer him could compare to the Lord. He tells the Lord that he will bless Him as long as he lives, that he will praise him and bring glory to Him.

What does all of this say about intimacy? David told God that he trusted Him; trust is not possible without being vulnerable. When we are vulnerable we are allowing intimacy to take place and who better than to be intimate with than God; the Creator of our innermost being.

How will we ever learn to be intimate with people if we can't let the one who created us

in to see?
 
Praying that you will allow yourself to be vulnerable to Him,

His Servant